Young people are staying away from the church in growing numbers. But why?
When you pose that question to those inside the church, it seems everybody has an answer. But are their answers the actual reasons today’s younger generations are fleeing the church?
Well, no. Not according to the actual people who’ve left.
John Vitek, president of Saint Mary’s Press, recently conducted a study among the young who’ve walked away. He said, on the Holy Soup podcast, that the reasons mentioned by the disaffiliated young people bear little resemblance to the reasons often listed by church leaders.
And why is that? It comes down to one factor, a factor that itself is crippling the organized church today. Vitek said he saw this factor come up repeatedly in his research. Over and over, the surveyed young people said, “No one even asked me why I left.” No one cared to listen–while they were attending, or after they left.
I’ve found a similar cry in my research on the state of the church. It seems we’re a lot more eager to tell than listen. And though the world has become increasingly more interactive and relational, the church continues to emphasize one-way communication–from the person with the microphone.
To listen to more insights gained from John Vitek’s research, click here for the Holy Soup podcast:
And, Vitek will be among the many national thought leaders at the Future of the Church summit in October. He will participate in a session entitled “How the New Generation Will Impact the Church.” This summit is highly interactive. You’ll experience a model that includes lots of two-way communication. That alone is worth the price of admission.
Interesting answer. A new person drops in on our church, the greeters say good morning, they find a seat and with good luck don’t sit in an established members favourite seat. They share the peace with little eye contact from the church member who quickly moves on to someone else, even looking around as they shake the hand of the visitor., They sit through the ‘worship’ service and try coffee time where others seldom sit with them. I’m surprised they ever come back as no one follows up or looks for them of asks about them etc etc. As a retired minister who always ‘worked the crowd’ before service, I try to introduce them to others Good luck if the others ever look for them again.
If the church was a business looking for new customers, they would go bankrupt. Sorry about that . A few successful congregations have specific people assigned to follow up the visitor with a call, text, email or snail mail.
In my book – you are completely correct. It’s a “what’s in it for me?” world today!
Yep, Larry Hurley, your scenario was exactly my experience, and yep, I sat in “reserved” seating and pretty much got shoved out of the row into the aisle. And not one person called when I left. No one phone call, and I wasn’t missed. The sad thing is that most church people are completely incapable of thinking outside the very rigid traditional church model box. Isn’t it possible to live a Christian life, loving those around you, without participating in rituals and traditions of men?? After all, we were called to go, we weren’t called to concoct programs to try to get people to come. You CAN be an obedient Christian without the trappings of what we call “church”. I just hope young people figure it out!
I’m not a young person but I am so disillusioned by the churches that I too am a stay at home! For the same reasons the young folks are!
I’m a Boomer who has left a few churches in my time for a variety of reasons. NEVER, has anyone (from the church) asked me why I left. I’ve learned that if I were to ‘offer’ my reason(s), I would just be a complainer, troublemaker or malcontent that they’re glad is not around to cause ‘trouble’ or doubts in others….
Yet, I love the Church, I grieve that so many are going astray. I’m just a principled individual who recognizes when the focus, objectives and approaches of so many organizations are at odds from what I see in scripture.
All too often the institution is doing everything they can to survive. Only when they understand that ‘except a seed falls into the ground and dies, it cannot bear fruit’. Too many local churches are trying not to die and in so doing, are accomplishing that which they most desperately wish to avoid…
Hi Thom,
During this past year we left a church and started searching for a new place to worship and serve. The church we left fit the narrative of young people leaving the church, as do most churches in America. We visited a new church and noticed that the church was full of young families, young adults, and teens. This church really didn’t seem to provide anything any different that our old church did for the younger age group so what was the difference. Why are young people flocking to this church? It is a church of 1,500 and the average age is mid thirties.
Here are a few things that we have noticed during this past year. This church is totally Kingdom focused, embraces the apostolic and prophetic gifts, is Spirit lead, and is in prayer 24/7. This church has a house of prayer that is operating every day 24 hours a day. We believe that the key to their growth is their focus on prayer. They are praying for the Harvest and expecting God’s blessing. If you search for outreach programs you won’t find many. We believe this church is being filled with young people because they are asking God to bring young people, and they believe He will!! They actually believe God answers prayers!! There are 50,000 unchurched people within 5 miles of this church and they are expanding the facility believing God will bring them. This church has grown from 40 people to 1,500 people in the last 40 years and is continuing to grow.
We see the young people of this church not asking what the church can do for them but what can they do to grow the Kingdom. They are not focused on church growth, in fact they tell people to search for another church if they don’t find their heart drawn to be part of this church. They trust the Holy Spirit to bring people and they believe when they pray in a agreement with God that he answers. There is a freedom of the Spirit that is clearly visible within this church and as people are drawn by God to the church there is a sense of warmth and family that draws you in.
The key is PRAYER.
Jerry
I personally left the religious system because it has left its first love. The organized church is more concerned in following nationalism and political parties than it is in following Jesus. It is more concerned with constitutional rights than it is loving God and loving others. I have not left God nor have I left the Church which is the people who are the temple of the Holy Spirit. I would rather be Spirit led than man-made institutional led. Church is not a building, doctrine or organization. It people who follow Jesus by the power of the Spirit who love God and love one another.
No kidding. I have suggested the listening technique over and over for the past 10 years. We had a small but dedicated youth group when my youngest kids were in high school, but they went off to college and did not come back. “Why don’t we ask them why?” I said. “They still have ties to the church. I’m sure they would do a short survey or talk to people.” The response? Blank stares.
We have a new opportunity now, because the HS grads are for the most part going to the local city college. It would be so easy to start a fellowship at a coffee shop or restaurant (there a dozens within walking distance of the college), but it requires someone who knows the kids and can relate to them.
People in my presbytery who work with youth and young adults emphasize it is not the music or the facility–it’s relationships and authenticity. Those things should not be so difficult in the church that baptized them.
I haven’t listened to the podcast yet, but I just wanted to say that this is not just an issue for young people. And in my opinion, that failure to listen speaks to deeper issues. Firstly many christians live with an arrogant self-assurance of being right and having the correct answers. Why would you listen to anyone else when you are convinced you already know what’s right? Secondly, a love of (and addiction to) power. The person with the mic is also the person with the power, and they are not going to give that up without a fight. How else can they tell everyone else what the correct answers are, or dictate how others should live?
I don’t know why the younger people leave. It may have something to do with the lack of response or presents of God. Talk, teach and preach about God all day long but if He never shows or you don’t see any hint that God is even around in your daily life, you tend to just go on living without God. You drift away. For the teens, they go for their friends to spend time with them. When their friends leave, they leave. I don’t think teens are getting into God like the adults would hope. Their whole mindset is different. They may believe in God but God just doesn’t seem all that real.
For me, I left for the major reason that church was just no longer value-added. Either you get involved and you get sucked in so much you feel enslaved to the church to getting burnt out or you don’t get involved at all and you grow bored. Too much involvement or to much non-involvement and church looses its meaning and value.
I as a person tend to get over involved in things. Take a game like Pokemon. Like church. I played to much and so hard, I burnt myself out. I burnt out so much, opening up the app made me sick and literally could not touch it for over a year. I go back to play a little now that they added more creatures to catch but just quit again after a couple weeks for a new game. Because this new game is much like Pokemon.. Jurassic Park Alive, I won’t be playing this one much longer. When these become too much like work, I just cold turkey quit. Like church, they loose their meaning and value.
When I was a teen, a leader asked the group what irked them the most. I held up my hand and said, “No one listens to me.” Everyone laughed.
Another factor is that teens are “talked down” to, as though their worst problem is when their hairdryer doesn’t work.
A third factor is that, because their parents are in the church, the kids are born again. They often aren’t. Why should a fancy program make them stay? They have no personal relationship with the Lord.
I am 76 years old and have lived in Australia for 38 years. I have three University Degrees, a theological degree and have been in senior management of a multi million dollar company. I have been the head honcho in two parachurch ministries and my wife has been a teacher for 50 years.
Not one church and there have been several as we have moved around a bit has ever asked us what we could contribute to the life of the church. It was a case of don’t ask and don’t tell. Every suggestion on my part has been rejected.
Is anyone surprised that I no longer attend any so called church.
I have remained loyal to my church through my 20’s as it is where my family have worshipped for 5 decades but if my Grandma was to pass i would probably not continue to attend. My faith has not wondered but no one is talking to my generation. Sermons and worship does not talk about how god works in my generation and my world. I do not wish to exclude older members but look at Marks and Spencers their audience is dying on them and younger generations are not taking the space. The church is not a business but it should speak to and with us. My church have been wonderfully supportive and do keep in contact but older members dont whats app or FB so how would they keep in touch with our generation. I will always attend church in some fashion but if the church wants to survive they need to revamp
Great interview. I’m an “almost-done,” almost 50-year old. I think one of the biggest problems with most churches is that they have an identity crisis; they think they are institutions that organize Sunday morning worship services, rather than communities spreading the love of God throughout the world. So we spend most of our time and energy (and money) worrying about how to get people to “church” on Sunday, rather than looking for ways to express communal love in the world. The world needs us EVERY day of the week.
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I think the truth of the matter is that we cannot fake agape love. Unless we experience a real revival in our hearts, and give up on producing and programming what only can come from God, this will only spiral downward. We have to humble ourselves, fall on our face, and repent. Or we can continue to function like a social club. I think folks are crying out for substance. We need to drop the gimmicks.
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