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21 Unsolved Mysteries of the Church

The people of the World Wide Web have penetrating questions for the people lurking behind those stained glass windows. I know. I see their questions every day.

As an official blogger on the church beat I see web analytics that reveal what things people type into Google and other search engines. They wonder about all sorts of things. They’re looking for answers. Sometimes their search probes inspire my blog posts. But sometimes I am simply dumbstruck.

So I come to you, my faithful readers. I offer here a small sampling of actual searches looking for answers. I did not make these up. Perhaps you can help these wondering people.

Recent search terms

  1. how to tell if worship team does not want you
  2. why are church people so mean?
  3. dying church with old members and young pastor
  4. don’t wait for four strong men to take you to church
  5. single christian men are not in church
  6. god doesnt want people to be smart
  7. why are church people horrible to people who don’t go to church
  8. i dont want to visit childhood church too many nosy people
  9. reasons why youths are not attending vanacular services in the church
  10. what is the reason a man wants to call attention to himself by singing too loud in church
  11. what do people do who don’t go to church on sundays?
  12. christian church songs devil worshiping sing accidentally
  13. i go to a large church the pastor doesnt try to know me
  14. sermon on getting rid of the fungus in the church
  15. if sad sing worship if happy sing praise
  16. sermon for people who dont go to church
  17. how much pressure are most pastors under to grow their churches
  18. what god thinks of christians who dont attend church
  19. are there any male hair stylists who are christians
  20. do churches still sing “i pledge allegiance to the lamb”
  21. pastor saying that gay people have a smell

This is what’s on the mind of the people. They’re looking to the online community for advice. Can you help?

 

18 Responses to “21 Unsolved Mysteries of the Church”

  1. 21. Yes, and it’s Aramis.

    • Clever, funny and poignant. But I thought that there weren’t any gay people? Just straight people who are confused? Now that I know that gay people not only exist but “have a smell” I will certainly be on the lookout for them!

  2. 10. Maybe he’s not calling attention to himself, but to all of the other timid congregants who don’t know the words or the tune.

  3. 6. “god doesn’t want people to be smart” – Dear reader – you are right to be concerned about using your questioning mind. And what the heck are you doing on Google searching for answers? At church we are looking for your compliance, not your questions. Don’t worry too much though – if you have a question about god just ask us, we will work with you to shut down that annoying, questioning part of your brain and then stuff it full of pat answers. As an added bonus we will helpfully explain to you which theology books you can and can’t read. We don’t want that mind of yours to ask so many questions that you accidentally end up in hell!

  4. Thom. Do you have any extra thoughts or have done any sort of articles on #3. Dying church with old members and young Pastor? (I will expound on after reply.)

  5. Some of these would be funny if they did not represent real questions. This is a window into the world of what a Pastor or Lay Leader has to contend with. I pray for you all.

  6. “#18 What God thinks of Christians who don’t attend church?”

    God hasn’t said what He thinks of me specifically. He still loves me and by His promise has not left me. I still have a relationship with Him the same as when I was going.

    So to question #11 What do people do who don’t go to church on Sunday’s?

    Rest like we are suppose to be doing. Yup, I make the attempt not to have to be doing stuff and try to get the housework stuff done Saturday so I can enjoy the time on Sundays. The weekend gives this introvert a rest from the social over-load I have to deal with all week, yes, rest from people.

  7. My thoughts…for the recent search terms

    1. how to tell if worship team does not want you
    They suggest you need a sabbatical, they re-format your job description to things that are not your strengths/qualifications

    2. why are church people so mean?
    In general, I think they believe they have been ‘fixed’ by God and that there is no excuse for everyone not getting ‘fixed’

    3. dying church with old members and young pastor
    Older church members, in hopes of not funding a dying church, hope a young pastor/family will bring ‘new life’ to the church and attract new young church members.

    4. don’t wait for four strong men to take you to church
    Pallbearers

    5. single christian men are not in church
    Some for all the right reasons (making a living), and some Christian men that ARE in church, are there for all the wrong reasons.

    6. god doesnt want people to be smart
    Christians don’t want non-christians to be smarter than them. What if they ask me a question I don’t know the answer to!

    7. why are church people horrible to people who don’t go to church
    see #2

    8. i dont want to visit childhood church too many nosy people
    They want to know that they have had an impact on your life. Maybe when I taught him/her in Sunday School they learned something from me that was meaningful and that means that what I did meant something.

    9. reasons why youths are not attending vanacular services in the church
    They are too liturgical. They already feel like everyone is already telling them what to do.

    10. what is the reason a man wants to call attention to himself by singing too loud in church
    a) he is deaf b) he believes that the louder he sings, the more he is praising God c) he wants to punish everyone

    11. what do people do who don’t go to church on sundays?
    My family does not go to church while on vacation – I would think something like an extra vacation day!

    12. christian church songs devil worshiping sing accidentally
    I doubt it, probably making a point

    13. i go to a large church the pastor doesnt try to know me
    Either he is probably a preacher, not a pastor – pastors tend to want to know the hearts of people or it may be overwhelming – depending on number in congregation, or he is on his way out

    14. sermon on getting rid of the fungus in the church
    Deacons/Committee Chairpersons won’t listen to his valid concern any other time, so he voices it on Sunday, when he has control of the mic!

    15. if sad sing worship if happy sing praise
    Worship is TO God…Praise is ABOUT God

    16. sermon for people who dont go to church
    What good is that if they won’t come?

    17. how much pressure are most pastors under to grow their churches
    More than you will ever know – most however, put on by themselves

    18. what god thinks of christians who dont attend church
    Breaks His heart because of the ‘why’ not the ‘who’

    19. are there any male hair stylists who are Christians
    Just because someone is a Christian, does NOT make them inherently better at their given profession!

    20. do churches still sing “i pledge allegiance to the lamb”
    I am CERTAIN there are some that still do!

    21. pastor saying that gay people have a smell
    So do old people…

  8. Because the church is made up of broken people many of whom still have a plank in their eye.

  9. 19 Yes. But I usually get my hair cut by one of his employees

  10. 17 – pressure to grow the church. Probably a lot that they put on themselves. We are trying to focus on growing disciples and trying to leave God to grow the church – but it’s hard learning to follow and lead and talk about Jesus during the week instead of just attending each Sunday and listening to the professional.

  11. What do people do who don’t go to church on Sundays?

    I spend most of my time seeking people who want to love Jesus but do not want to go or cannot go to church on Sundays. They aren’t coming, I go to them! I have a group that meets on Sunday afternoons, a group that meets on Wednesday nights and a group that meets on Thursday evening. During this summer, we are looking to begin a new group that will meet on Wednesdays as well. And this fall, we hope to have a new group that will meet either on Tuesday, Friday, or Saturdays as well.

    If they don’t go to church on Sundays, then get ‘em together when they can go!

    • For all those who have to consistently work Sunday mornings taking care of our elderly or the hospitalized or . . . , your offering of different days and times is a gift.

  12. 16. sermon for people who dont go to church

    One of the things Parkland House found is that we have to make friends with people before we can really invite them to come to church with us. Sure we can invite a stranger, but they might not listen or believe our sincerity unless we are really interested in them first.

    What we do is invite them to do what we do. We meet every Wednesday night at 8:30 PM at McDonald’s just to hang out and visit with each other. That is a good time to invite new folks to come to get to know who we are. We’ve had quite a few people want to come to church with us because they started hanging out with us and making some new friends.

    We also have several groups that get together and have a pot luck dinner once a week. After dinner, they study something from the Bible that the Holy Spirit leads them to study or they may spend their time simply talking about prayer needs and praying over each other. New people like to come to these meetings too. They get to see how we love on each other and experience how we decide how we can help others who are in need. People are attracted to other people who show that they actually care about other people. New people are more apt to want to be a part of that kind of experience.

    When we have a new person come to a small group, everyone knows that the topic of our time together is the Gospel message. How do you get to heaven. What is sin and everyone sins. The wages of sin. There is hope because Jesus died for our sins. How to ask Jesus to forgive your sins. We do this as a discussion so it doesn’t look like we are singling out the new guy–we simply have a discussion about salvation! Then we open the door for anyone who wants to pray!

    We generally don’t try to preach to those who don’t go to church. We, instead love them into our little groups and share meals with them or get them to come do something fun with us. As they get to know us, we invite them to come be a part of us and join us and our church.

    Acts 2:46 Every day they devoted themselves to meeting together in the temple complex, and broke bread from house to house. They ate their food with a joyful and humble attitude, 47 praising God and having favor with all the people. And every day the Lord added to them those who were being saved.

  13. Wait, is Google a search engine or a counselor?

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. 3 Tough Questions Kids Ask About God (and How to Answer Them!) - June 11, 2014

    […] questions. Take the questions Thom Schultz gets on his blog for example. Recently, Thom posted 21 Unsolved Mysteries of the Church, questions from people who were looking for answers. It’s definitely worth the […]

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