July 11, 2012 
Last weekend most people in America avoided church. And, a sizable portion of those who did make it to church wished they were somewhere else. But why?
I decided to go direct to the source. I staked out a city park to ask the public why they weren’t in church. What they told me echoed what I’ve been hearing for several years now.
Their reasons centered around four recurring themes:
- “Church people judge me.” A young woman told me that as a child she regularly attended church and Sunday school. But she’s given up on the church as an adult. “They make me feel like an outcast,” she said. “How? Why?” I asked. “Well, I’m a smoker,” she said.
- “I don’t want to be lectured.” More people today want to participate in the discussion. A man told me he’s talked with over a thousand other men who’ve given up on church. He said, “Guys don’t want to sit in a room and idly listen to some preacher do all the talking. They want to ask questions. They want to share their thoughts too.”
- “They’re a bunch of hypocrites.” I know church leaders are weary of this “excuse.” But people aren’t merely referring to incongruous behavior. What bothers them is the sense that church spokespeople act like they have all the answers. That they’ve arrived. That they’re only interested in telling others what to do—“teaching,” to use the church vernacular.
- “I don’t want religion. I want God.” Most people don’t experience God at church. They’re not looking for the “deep” theological trivia that seems to interest some preachers. They crave something very simple. They’re dying to be reassured that God is real, that he is more than a historical figure, that he is present today, and that he is active in the lives of people around them.
Those of us who remain in this imperfect gathering of the faithful need to stop talking and “teaching” long enough to listen to the majority outside our walls. I’m not suggesting their views are flawless. Or that we should design ministry merely according to consumer whims. But we do need to keep our ultimate goal in mind—to help bring others into a closer relationship with Jesus Christ.
That’s what defined the ministry of Jesus himself. He boldly broke away from the habits and routines of the religious elite of the time. And he fashioned a highly relational ministry that connected with the disenfranchised.
We’ve heard the four cries of the common people cited here so often that we decided to address them as we shaped the national network of Lifetree Cafes. In fact, these cries form the basis for the Lifetree values that are posted and stated each week at every Lifetree Café.
You’re welcome just as you are.
Your thoughts are welcome. Your doubts are welcome.
We’re all in this together.
God is here, ready to connect with you in a fresh way.
So thankful that my church leaders understand the hunger for God in our culture and are committed to open, receptive methodologies. Sermon series going on now: “Losing our religion.”
Trey, we have 2 friend days (April, November), sirnpg break door knocking campaign (Heritage Christian University), food pantry, and we are going to mail out 5,000 DVDs (Searching For Truth from World Video Bible School). We also have a youth program, VBS, Back to School Bash in September, family retreat (camping in October), and other assorted events where we encourage members to invite their friends. Plus I do chapel at the Christian Home and Bible School hoping for the kids to get to know and introduce me to their parents when they see me at the grocery store.
You honestly think god is there. I live in Africa and every day people pray to god to make to help them, and instead they shot my parents.
Helios, It was very sad to learn that your parents were killed. May you sense His peace and power as you struggle with this tragic loss. Perhaps your very words from your post were the very words of God as they killed His Son Jesus. I’ve discovered that God handles my anger over issues very well. I’ve never encountered wrath from God…only His mercy and grace. Peace be unto you! -Reep
Well said.
Here are some musings about the hypocrisy thing:
1. Sometimes? “The church is full of hypocrites” = “Those people aren’t catering to MY whims/making me feel better about my own sin.” I think this is rare, but I’ve seen it.
2. Sometimes a Christian fails in full view of a nonChristian with whom they have a relationship (any sort of relationship). I did this recently. I feel really terrible about the effect that it’s had on my witness to this person. I also feel bad about what I did. I have apologised to them and repented to God. I’m pretty confident about God’s grace (and grateful for it!) because of who He is, and I’m trying to move on in that grace and live more consistently. However, the person I wounded hasn’t availed themselves of God’s grace and therefore is incapable of offering it. Apart from a miracle, forgiveness is not going to come from that quarter, and I know I’m being thought of as a hypocrite. To what extent is the “hypocrisy” critique an inability to understand that Christians, in spite of being indwelt by the Holy Spirit, still screw up sometimes, but that we are forgiven and empowered to move on?
3. Presumably the opposite of hypocrisy is authenticity. If, in the above situation, I had been dishonest (inauthentic) with the person in question, it is arguable that they would never have found out about my sin, and thus unable to accuse me of hypocrisy. Ironically. How does one handle a situation like that?
Maybe if we ourselves quit syaing, I have to go to church today, and rather I get to go worship with my spiritual family today, those outside the body might see us differently from denominations. The only difference may be that we know a few more people in the church than those in denominations do in their church group. Although I do believe outreach programs are useful, especially for those of us who find it hard to do personal outreach, still it has to become personal, one on one with our friends and neighbors, to be effective for bringing lost souls to Christ. Jeanne M.
I like what you post at the Lifetree cafes Thom, but many churches have to go beyond the nice-sounding statements. Many of them adopt a seemingly welcoming vision/mission statement, but the church body hasn’t fully embraced it. I was once part of a church in which the pastoral leadership chose the phrase, “Loving God and people unconditionally”. Well, try selling that to other leaders who don’t understand what unconditional love is. I kid you not, I was sitting in a meeting in which another leader asked, “What does that mean?” Others questioned it as well and I came right out and addressed their concern that we did not necessarily have to become like some churches that allowed anything, because this was their fear. They equated love with being permissive and were more concerned about their rules than anything. Nevertheless, it was a hard sell. People criticized for a long time an outreach ministry to the poor and resisted the pastor’s urging to go into the community to do service projects without mentioning the church name. In other words, just doing acts of kindness for people. Where it starts is with training one’s own church. Until they catch the vision and embrace it, you are setting yourself up to hurt and discourage people who come in expecting one thing based on what we say, and experiencing something totally different by what we do.
As a young child, I was forced to take coniummon before I was ready. My grandmother was methodist and was a shut-in. I stayed with her often and when the preacher would come to call we all had to take coniummon. I remember being a very scared little girl being told this was blood and flesh it was eerie. AND I was in church. I just didn’t have the background to understand it all.Even to this day, as a 33 year old woman, I still sorta cringe when it is time to take coniummon. I know that sounds silly, but it’s true. I just think about those days as a kid when it was forced and I was not ready. I have 3 kids, ages 10, 7, and 6. One has been baptized but she has never asked to take coniummon and I’ve never forced it on her. We attend a contemporary church and coniummon is given every few months or so. It is not an every Sunday occurance. Most Sunday’s she opts to be in the kids service so they aren’t exposed to it as much anyhow.Good questions.Lindsey recently posted..
Hi Jenn. I hear what you’re saying about the hypocrisy, but I don’t think it means being inauthentic. While I have open, progressive thinking on some things, I am kind of modest in my living. Yet, I have professed atheists and those disenchanted with the faith telling me that they like me or if they were a Christian, they’d want to be like me. I’m not living inauthentically (at least I try not to). I’m honest about my feelings and treat people like people regardless of whether or not they adhere to my faith. I think that’s what people respect about me. What I have found is that the authenticity that I try to walk in is appreciated by those outside of the faith and not so much by Christians. It’s as if the Church is the one wants inauthenticity. Independent thinking, particularly that which goes against the accepted status quo, is not always appreciated.
Some of the hypocrisy that I think people are referring to is for example like the elder at the last church I was apart of beating entire sanctification into the ground, yet berating people (family and fellow elders alike) when they don’t live up to his standard, storming out of a meeting in anger when it was organized the way he thought it should be and using “God didn’t call us to save the world” to justify not supporting the outreach ministry that I referenced in my other comment above. But he believed in “living above sin” as he called it. Hmmm…..no contradiction there, right? We all sin. I think what people are looking for is not a gap between what we vigorously preach and what we say or do. Preach all you want on something, but don’t act holier than thou about it. I think maybe what people are looking for is a dose of humility with what we say.
Great post- hit the nail on the head. I’ve heard all of these reasons given for not going to church or for not engaging more in the church.
I think these reasons are partially responsible for people choosing other religions as well. They want to feel accepted and they want to know God (any god) not just religion. They want to take part in something greater than themselves.
I find it disheartening that a smoker feels condemned and judged. We all sin, some are just more noticeable than others. As my pastor says, “Don’t judge me because my sin is different than yours”.
Bravo!!! Thank you Thom for taking the time to ask people the question, listening to their answers and sharing what you heard! I can relate and it’s a comfort knowing that I’m not alone.
Excellent topic and great post! Very informative and well said!
If it’s the hypocrites that stand between you and God, they are closer to God than you are.
I like that phrase “Your doubts are welcome” because that is something I have never experienced in a church. I feel very uncomfortable verbalizing doubts at church because then the people at my church will think I am not a Christian,and feel like they have to evangelize me back into the fold. So I usually just don’t say anything…
Debbie,
Totally understand your apprehension about sharing some doubts…I’ve discovered that a bit of vulnerability oens others up for being willing to be vlnerable themselves. In some small grouping give it try…and know His peace and power as you become bold and courages.
great post. the only amendment I would make is to say that Jesus broke away from the religious mainstream… as led by the religious elite. I know it sounds like splitting hairs but I see a lot of churched people giving themselves an unwarranted free-pass because they don’t consider themselves ‘elite’ but they are still part of a system that binds heavy burdens on people and don’t lift a finger to help them.
Intriguing post, Thom! I think it’s vital for the Church to be listening to these park bench discussions, and understand the thinking of its critics. How sad would it be if we never learned what we’re doing wrong or how we can reach the unchurched?
PS- I wasn’t familiar with your blog or Lifetree Cafe before today, and have to say I’m very glad to have discovered both! Awesome creative work for the Kingdom.
I see your point, but I think the problem extends to the very people who are still showing up on Sunday mornings…most not wanting to be there as well. We, as a culture, are losing a sense of the purpose of church and its role… Just blogged about why I hate church and how I reconcile that…
As with most of the previous corenmtems, we did not allow C to partake until she had made a profession of faith as we believe communion is connected to being a part of the Body of Christ. However, we did make every effort before she was able to partake to explain exactly what was going on and use it as an opportunity to teach her. I generally sat in the back of the church with her so I could whisper my explanations.
Excellent article …I agree very much
Reblogged this on Cite Simon and commented:
Here’s some honest talk we all need to think through. Even without a degree in rocket science, it’s not hard to spot the trends and recognize that the church as we have known it is going to have to change. Bigger churches get pushed towards “mega-entertainment” while many smaller churches struggle to connect with anyone outside their walls. It’s all about connecting with people so check out the Lifetree Cafe idea – it might be a part of the solution.
I love this and have been thinking a lot about this subject. We as Christians have gotten really good at throwing the book at people instead of gifting it to them.
Some of us have been deeply hurt by people in positions of trust, and responsibility, in the church. Having seen the hyprocrosy up close, one loses respect for these so called “Preachers” when they see they are no more than sharks in the baptistry. It is very difficult to go back in these cases. All “ministers”, no matter how sincere, tend to get lumped into the sum, unfortunately.
Christians LOVE to uses the excuse of the devil. It is the devil trying to rob you, it is the devil who has allowed this Pastor to hurt you, it is the devil who comes to destroy… No one ever says the truth. The truth is, when we are going about hurting others, we are not marked with love, and if we cannot operate in love to the underdog or porcupine, than we don’t KNOW him who is love. We are just a sack of relgious garbage. We don’t have revival because we crave being religious because really living for Jesus requires a change and sacrifice. I’m so tired of being h urt by christians in posistions of authority, that I could puke. No wonder we don’t lead the lost to Jesus, because we are LOST. We defend the Pastor at whatever the cost, when HE should be the first one we hold accountable. I’ve seen districts and church counsel protect the Pastor over the weaker one without status. I’m so tired of the “ladder” in churches. People wiht more importance than others, it is so not Christ like, Didn’t I read that Jesus, being perfect, being God, humbled himself to the point of death, even washing the feet of men who would in one way or another betray him… No wonder I don’t see the New Testiment Church. Laying hands and seeing healing of the sick. I’m frustrated and angry right now because honestly, I don’t want to ever go to church again.
The biggest church hurt for me wasn’t when two Senior Pastors of two different churches where I was a faithful member (and looked up to these Pastors as Christ-like, godly men) had adulterous affairs & were forced to resign by the denominational leadership. That hurt but did not do it for me in terms of never wanting to go into a church bldg again.
What caused me to not want to go to church was after I did a fact check on bible facts for myself. I read my entire bible from Genesis to Revelation word for word. What a shocker that was to discover Church leadership lied about being cursed with the Malachi 3:8-9,10 curse for not keeping the Old Covenant tithe commandment .
The tithe law was one Old Covenant law out of many. Jesus said in Matthew 23:23 it was not even the most important (Old Covenant) law & he said this to Israel and to Jews bound by the law before he died on the cross to fulfill the law. Tithes were not paid in their silver or gold but in food & meat from the land & from their animals to serve the purpose of feeding the Levite Priest & the poor who owned no land.
I also duly noted Romans 6:14 ” We aren’t under the law but grace”
I also read where “Christ has redeemed us from the curse” (this would include all curses cause Jesus nailed the curse to the cross by being cursed in our place! Galatians 3:13
Romans 10:4 “Christ is the end of the law for everyone who believes”
Jesus fulfilled the law, which is why Christians do not keep Jewish laws like no pork, circumcision of 8 day old males and endless rituals and sin offerings like under the Old Covenant.
After Jesus said Paid in full, it is finished there is no mandate to tithe but we can give as we voluntarily not legalistically as we are led by the Holy Spirit our guide & teacher in all things
Tithing was old covenant. Those in Christ have his favor paid in full called grace
They lied to me & still lie to gullible bible illiterates. Just to think for 20 yrs I swallowed the fear of the Old Covenant Malachi curse, now I wonder what esle these control freaks are spinning & twisting for their own gain?
I would have given to support these ministries as led by the Holy Spirit which Jesus sent after he ascended back to God. These control freaks don’t trust the Holy Spirit to lead & guide us they must keep the tithe lie going for their salaries. I’m done with them!
Good Morning, Guest,
No cheap shot intended…but, how is the Holy Spirit working in your life today? I trust that the Jesus you’ve journeyed with these twenty years is still the foundation of your faith.
I completely understand how you must feel if wherever you have attended, you feel you were being pressured to always give money and only that. I agree completely with you about some churches holding on to some Old Covenant laws. The only thing I would like to just share with you, if it’s ok, is I am a missionary and run medical clinics in Haiti. I attend a large non-denominational church in PA. I have experienced, by finding the church that best exemplifies Christ and pours so much money back into the streets, towns, cities and countries around us and abroad, that there really are good churches out there. The tithing does help us to do the work we must do and without it, none of this would be possible. If your church or others you have attended are not properly using God’s money (our tithes He blessed us with) to do His work as He tells us to, then I agree, it may not be the right place for you or anyone else. But, don’t give up on God’s churches as a whole. There will always be churches with problems, none are perfect, but together, as a church family we are stronger. We are united, we can lift each other up when one falls, we can reach out to another when they need us, we can be there to worship and praise God. We should attend church not for our own selves to feel warm and fuzzy. The truths of God’s Word can sometimes be very hard to hear and Jesus told us that. We must be willing to change and leave our old ways behind. It starts with us and God is just waiting. I promise you there are good churches. I too have attended many that were not biblically based or what I believed to be God’s home. But I found it and so can everyone else. It takes wanting to make the effort. If Jesus could die for us, can’t we atleast make more of an effort for Him?
I have been faithfully attending for over a decade tithing regularly, but this political cycle has been particularly difficult. I cant vote for a cult leader and my church family disregards everything i have tried to be a part of for a single vote. Politics and faith are a touchy subject and should be handled with care not the I am right you are wrong approach.
The people at my church are annoying and they cry a lot…._-
There is more whining going on among the unchurched than I even imagined. “Get over it” only begins to express what I want to say!
Ive been in church my whole life and never thought I’d be at a place to say “I don’t want to go to church” but I am. I see people trying to put on a show, not being real, worried about what things look like in the outside and not the inside. I see things run like a business. People using the gospel to feel important and/or get rich. I see kids being hurt, bored or entertained like the world with no spiritual value. I know we should not forsake the assembly but I am so discouraged.
Mary, I feel exactly the same way. Today I went to a service and it felt like a the people who spoke were all announcers for a t.v. Show. And some of these people I know well…they’re complete opposites away from church.
Another thing that bugs me is they said “is anyone here that wants to accept Christ into their heart, come forward” I am the only one not part of the church and I see everyone looking at me like a weirdo. I felt like an outcast.
I just want to learn about Christ and keep that relationship with God private. Is this possible today? I would love people to know im Christian simply by my actions not me running up on stage telling people that i’m christian.
Terrible divorce,forclosed home,homeless,hungry,thirsty, awful time for me,,joined a church because God was my strength and did miracles in my life, as time went on I found the ladies in ladies fellowship group were heavy smokers,cuss and gossip about everyone in the church this was done near Christmas as we were planning Love Feast at the church..actually smoking in fellowship hall..!!..I am really disappointed and sad but my love for God is the same..i know He knows best for me as I am not going to continue going there as the services are regulated by script ..no emotion,also people bring tea to drink in glasses during services and kids eating older kids..cheese crackers and drinks..Pastor is leaving today retiring don’t blame him..So sad for this church..burt God warns of them..thanks!